Growing up is hard to do

I'm not going to start this off explaining what I’ve been doing for the past few months (er, year) because 1- It's pretty obvious I had a baby and still work full time as you can tell just by scrolling down a little and 2 – I already talk to you pretty regularly, Nakiya.

So let’s just jump right.

As of a few hours ago I officially pulled the plug on our pending kitchen remodel. I am a very sad Keanu about this. I’ve spent HUNDREDS of hours thinking about this. No joke, on at least 2 occasions I woke up in a cold sweat – once over open shelving and a second time that concerned ordering a 15” vs. 18” pantry. We shopped, fought and daydreamed about this kitchen. I even made a note book to store all the things I couldn’t “pin” like sketches & catalogs.

I shouldn’t even be disappointed because this project wasn’t set to be on the agenda until at least fall – if not next year all together. But, as the fates would have it, we found ourselves coming into a wad of money from an unnamed benefactor. And the kitchen wheels started turning. I was a woman obsessed and I had an equally excited boyfriend/husband by my side cheering me on and planning day trips to re modeler clubs to scavenge for goodies.

But neither of us wanted to be the adult in this scenario. Not the real adult anyway – we were totally cool with being the faux adult, the one who can totally afford and rationalize a head to toe kitchen renovation. So I think we both sort of secretly thought that the other one would pull the plug on all this if it wasn’t the right thing to do while simultaneously knowing that neither one of would do such a thing and we could just gleefully run towards a shiny new kitchen. But I had to ruin everything. As usual, this financial revelation struck as I paid our monthly bills. Spencer knows that this day is a bad day, I scream, I cry, I blame him-myself-the baby-his mother-amazon.com-your dentist-whoever is within earshot and I sulk around feeling hopeless. We aren’t that bad off really. We just have this little bubble of credit card debt that won’t go away even though I throw 90% of our disposable income at it each month. Every month I think: I could STAY AT HOME WITH MY DAUGHTER if we didn’t have this debt. What’s wrong with us?! Needless to say I put on my big girl panties and broke the news to Spencer that we would use our newfound “fortune” to wipe the slate clean…instead of pick out slate for a backsplash*.

We’re only out 1,000+ hours of brain energy and I’m pretty sure the 200 sq. feet of Italian porcelain floor tile we impulse bought won’t go bad.

So there. Dreams squashed in the name of a much needed reality check. Bleck. I will turn my attention to the forgotten foyer instead. A vast, unwelcoming wasteland of beige with shoes piled as far as the eye can see...

*I wasn't really thinking of a slate backsplash, i just said that to be funny. I was really imaging a creamy matte subway tile.....

GRATUITOUS BABY PHOTO ALERT