hey, we got the beat

we got it!

This president's day, Spencer and I celebrated the birth of our forefathers by getting a little sneak peak at the next generation of great leaders...a 16 week check-up that was meant to be soundtrack only, but ended up being a blockbuster instead - and a drama at that!

Every Doctor's visit has been "weird" in some way; "you're having twins, congratulations!"/ "you're not having twins, sorry!", and those were the memories that were on replay in my mind as I waited in Dr. B's office. We skipped the pleasantries and I hopped on the table as soon as she came in. I was nervous; I hadn't known I was pregnant, what if i didn't know I wasn't anymore? I know that sounds stupid, I just want to put that out there. This whole thing is a little nerve racking, just preparation for a lifetime of worrying about preteens on bicycles with no helmet's and out-of-state college campuses.

Anywhosit, Dr. B has ye olde fetal Doppler out and fired up. (not gross, its a super-sonic hearing device used to hear baby's heartbeat through mom's big fat tummy) So there I am, sure that I'm over-worrying and just waiting for the little thumper. and waiting. Oh, maybe over here....? no, ok - maybe down here? Nope. Just the swishies of a tummy filled with Jason Roll and sounds of the heart of a very new mommy about to beat right out of her chest. It was sinking slowly down to my shoelaces. I honestly thought I might pass out on the table for a minute. Everyone told me not to worry, and here I was right. And felt so awful about it. Dr. B could tell I was close to giving birth to a panic attack so she shut off the Doppler and suggested we just stroll over to the sonogram room and settle this as fast as possible.

That walk sucked. I'll be the first to admit it took me a minute to warm up to the idea of being somebody's mommy by the end of this summer. I was shocked when we first found out and the best way to put it is that I mourned a little after the news. I morned the end of a life I knew and loved. I've just started my big girl career, I was sketching out a dream kitchen and daydreaming about the next country Spencer and I would visit. I know now that these things can still happen, but for a few days I was convinced that the wonderful life as I knew it was over, rover. I mean, it is. But I'm OK with it.

And now I am 100% sure of that. Because that walk sucked. In that short walked my heart hurt bad and it started to pour out of my eyeballs a little. I was ready to give up anything to see a little heart flicker on that monitor. The pyramids in Egypt, a stainless steel double oven, a cushy 9-4 job with a company car...all of it. And I got my wish. There was our little monster, rolled up and facing down, buried safely n mommy's tummy.

What a relief. Dr. B says I'm now in the "coasting stage" of pregnancy and I'm trying to relax and have a little faith. A relief too to know just how I feel about this little troublemaker, even though s/he's totally already grounded for pulling such a stunt.